“When people are clear about their values at Christmas and find meaningful ways to express them, they’ve laid the foundations of a soul-satisfying celebration.”

— Unplug the Christmas Machine by Jo Robinson & Jean Coppock Staeheli

Christmas can easily feel complicated, busy, and overwhelming. Many of us feel the need to create lavish celebrations , buy gifts for all our loved ones, and participate in a bevy of parties.

For me, gifts have always been a struggle, especially on our tiny budget. December is always a huge financial hit. In the book Unplug the Christmas Machine, Robinson and Staeheli opened my eyes to the “rules” I thought I had to live by when it came to gifts. This year I am re-reading this 1982 classic, and I am excited to share the lessons I’ve learned. You can buy the book, here.

These are just a few of their “Self-Defeating Gift-Giving Rules:

Give a gift to everyone you expect to get one from.
When you give someone a gift, you should plan to give that person a gift every year thereafter.
The amount of time and money you spend on a fit should be directly proportional to you mush you care about the recipient.
The gift that you give someone should be equal in monetary value and/or personal significance to the one you receive from that person
If you give a gift to a person in one category (for example: coworkers or neighbors) you should give gifts to everyone in that category. And these gifts should be similar.
Homemade gifts are more ‘meaningful’ than store-bought ones.”

It’s incredible how helpful it was, to read this list, and see my gift-giving behavior for what it is… self-defeating. I have made my Christmases complicated by following some made-up rules. This list gave me CHOICE, permission to change how I give gifts.

Robinson and Staeheli do share some different gift-giving approaches.

“Gift-Giving Alternatives:

Name drawing.
You buy a gift just for the person whose name you draw from the hat.
Trimming a few names.
Agree to buy each other less.
Family gifts.
One gift per household, instead of per person.
Just for Kids.
Give to only the kids.
Alternative Gifts:
Give simple handmade gifts or gifts of service, or spend money on a special trip or vacation.”

**This year, Eric and I made gifts for each household, and bought gifts for mostly the kids. But, even this has taken a monetary and energetic toll. I need to revisit this list for next year! Unplug the Christmas Machine has an entire appendix dedicated to alternative gift ideas worth revisiting.

Leave a comment below with your tips on how to simplify gift-giving.

The Gift of Joy

“A lot of people go through the holiday season without a clear sense of what they value…they haven’t stopped to ask themselves the all-important question: Why am I celebrating Christmas?”

— Unplug the Christmas Machine by Jo Robinson & Jean Coppock Staeheli

In order to simplify Christmas, it’s important to figure out WHY you are Celebrating.

SELF-REFLECTION

Write down all the things you think Christmas is about.

Start each line with the words, “Christmas is a time to …”

Afterward, decide which statements are most important to you.

Put a 1 next to the most important, and a 10 next to the least important.

For the Mahollitz Family, we prioritize joy and hope. For me, I feel that on a primal level the body and mind experience Yuletide as a time of darkness and fear. And, to counterbalance the gloominess of the season, we celebrate, share gifts, sing songs, and do activities to fill our days with light and joy. I create conversations with the boys about emphasizing the feeling of Christmas over the stuff. My mom has also taught the kids the joy of giving presents, and they get so excited about making cards for each person.

A Simple Christmas

“The universal dream shows that at Christmas people want to be in harmony with the natural world, be united with friends and relatives, be filled with a spirit of love and acceptance, and have their everyday cares lightened with fun and laughter.”

— Unplug the Christmas Machine by Jo Robinson & Jean Coppock Staeheli

After years of hosting Christmas workshops, and interviewing people about their thoughts on the holiday season, Robinson and Staeheli found that most people share a common vision of a dream-Christmas. I love how they boil it down to:

harmony with the natural world
being united with our loved ones
love and acceptance
fun and laughter

Robinson and Staeheli have four recommendations on how to make this simple dream come true.

“Make sure that every family member has a vital role to play in the traditions the family already has. People generally take the most pleasure in activities they are really involved in.”
“Include activities that add movement and physical activity to the celebration.” walk, charades
“Look for lighthearted ways to add fun to the celebrations… opportunities for laughter, even silliness.” Eg - The Hobbit Pez Dispensers
“Some people find that they can add more excitement and meaning to their holiday rituals by reaching back into the past and reviving traditions from their heritage.”

I would like to add these ideas as well…

Get out into nature and connect with the land. Make a seasonal table and display the natural gifts you collect on walks.
Make food together! Split the menu amongst the family, giving each meal to a different group of people. Assign each meal to a couple, or mix people up.
Make music and/or dance. Sing, carol, jam out on your ukuleles and guitars… Creating music together is magic.

There is no right way to celebrate Christmas. There is only what is right for you and your family. Below is my Christmas Spirit List, which is my idea list. I do not strive to do them all, but rather I use the list like a menu, picking and choosing what to do in the moment.