4 Heartwarming Ways to Give Your Children the Christmas of their Dreams That Don’t Involve Presents
“The greatest need of all children at Christmas - just like at any time of the year - is the assurance that they are very much wanted and loved by their parents.”
If you ask a child what their favorite day of the year is, most will say Christmas. And, if you ask them why - it’s usually the presents.
I don’t think that’s true. Sure, they like the gifts, but Christmas has a special place in our hearts because of the joy, the smells, the love, and the traditions. But, kids don’t know how to explain all that - it’s a feeling! The gift is the tangible thing that symbolizes the awesomeness of the season.
This year I am reading Unplug the Christmas Machine by Jo Robinson and Jean Staeheli, and I want to share some of their wisdom. I highly recommend purchasing the book; you can get it here.
So, if it’s not gifts - what do children really want for Christmas? Well, don’t get me wrong - they want gifts. It’s just that it’s not the be all, end all of the season.
Robinson and Staeheli write, “In addition to a few well-chosen gifts, children really want and need four basic things for Christmas:
Relaxed and loving time with the family
Realistic expectations about gifts
An evenly paced holiday season
Strong family traditions”
Right!?! So, let’s dig into how to make this happen.
1. Relaxed and Loving Time with the Family
We get overwhelmed by the shopping. We over-extend ourselves socially. We squeeze visits in with ALL the family. We host parties. We decorate and bake. We fill every moment with tasks to do. And, we stop spending time with our kids. We dress them up and take them places, but do we sit with them? Read stories with them? Make gifts or bake treats with them?
The first key to success is to sacrifice. Take time off from work. Cancel social engagements. Bake less so you have more energy to bake with your kids. Spend less time in front of the television. Chill out about the decorations. Let go of control. Allow space for the children to create and participate.
My mom also created special dates with each of us. She would schedule time for each daughter to hang out with a parent, so we got some undivided attention. Funny, for years I found this tradition “annoying” and an unnecessary demand on my time. And now, as I read Unplug the Christmas Machine, I realize what a thoughtful and meaningful gift you gave us.
Now, my challenge is to make time in our Christmas Calendar for these special dates. But, then I remember #3 - an evenly paced holiday. There is more time than I think!
2. Realistic Expectations About Gifts
“When all of their excitement about Christmas is focused on gifts alone, children feel terribly let down, because as marvelous as the new games and toy may be, they can’t possibly live up to all those weeks of breathless anticipation.”
Wow, I am struggling with this. Already, I can see how my boys are setting themselves up for disappointment. Today, we let them open an early Christmas gift from my parents (who are in Japan and can’t visit). They opened a super-cool Lego set, and one of them reacted with this statement, “This is cool, but it’s not really what I wanted.” Uggghhhh - ungrateful child!!! But, I feel for him. He really, really wants the big Death Star Lego set, which is crazy expensive. He’s not going to get it. Not even from Santa.
How do I help my kids? I read this in Unplug the Christmas Machine:
“When parents take the time to talk with their children about gifts, share with them their own sense of values, and, most important, back up those words with a family celebration of which gifts form only one part, children quickly learn that there’s more fun to Christmas than just unwrapping packages. When children have exciting family activities to look forward to before and after the present-opening, gifts start taking their rightful place in the festivities.”
So, in our family we are talking about the meaning of Christmas, and why we give presents. We are having conversations about sharing kindness and joy during a dark time of year.
But, under our tree there are dozens of presents. It’s clear that gifts mean a lot in our family.
This year I am leaning into this idea of bookmarking the gift-opening with exciting family activities. This year we are adding a silly game of unwrapping a ball of candy wrapped in layers of plastic wrap. But, I could use some ideas. Leave a comment if you have one. I like the idea of doing a walk or playing charades.
3. An Evenly Paced Holiday Season
Did you know that in the 1880’s stores and towns didn’t decorate until mid-December? And most families would celebrate the holiday with dances and parties through New Years.
The result is that we place all our hopes and dreams on one day, and, “When the gifts have been unwrapped, Christmas is over and children are left dazed and bewildered.”
Robinson and Staeheli recommending waiting to celebrate Christmas until mid-December and saving fun activities for after Christmas day.
I don’t know if I can delay the holiday celebrations. We love getting started on Thanksgiving weekend, and creating a loooong holiday season. But, I LOVE the idea of extending the holiday beyond Christmas Day. When our family lived in Ukraine, the locals didn’t celebrate the 25th of December. They had their festivities around January 6th.
And, ever since, our family has created a simple celebration on January 6th. It gives us almost two extra weeks to prolong the celebrations, enjoy the decorations, and spread out the gift-giving.
In the book, Unplug the Christmas Machine, one family created 12 days of fun family activities like, “Kids-Choose-The-Menu Day” or “Hear a Story As Many Times As You Want” Day. And the 6th of January was “Pack Up Christmas” Day.
4. Strong Family Traditions
This is my jam. Traditions and rituals have the same vibe. Not only do annual traditions give our kids something to look forward to each year, it also creates a sense of comfort and security.
Annual traditions also function as psychological markers. They are points in our memory that illuminate the passing of time, and give us moments to reflect on change and growth.
Robinson and Staeheli stress that these traditions can be simple. It is the food we eat, the decorations we use, the people we see, and the books we read. They recommend talking with your kids about what their favorite traditions are, and giving them role in making those traditions come to life each year.
Traditions ARE gifts.
In a nutshell, in the book Unplug the Christmas Machine, you can find 4 Heartwarming Ways to Give Your Children the Christmas of their Dreams That Don’t Involve Presents;
Spending Time Together
Reducing Emphasis on Gifts
Extending the Holiday Season
Annual Traditions
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