How to Work with Ancestors
Welcome the magic and medicine of the Beloved Dead
The word ancestor comes from Latin and means “one who goes before.” That may mean the members of your family who came before, such as your grandparents or great grandparents. But, knowing your familiar ancestors is a privilege. Many people do not know the names of their relatives and find it difficult to learn more about them due to migration, forced removal from native lands, or even family trauma. Most of our ancestors are ancient, and go so far back there would be no record of their existence, and yet… they were the ones who have come before. Author Becca Piastrelli also invites us to include authors, activists, and teachers into our “affinity lineages.” Similarly, I believe we can welcome pets as “ones who go before.”
When working with ancestors, it is considered best practices to only invite those who wish you love and wellbeing. I call them the “Beloved Dead.” These are entities that are healthy in mind and spirit, who only wish you good. You do not want to accidentally invite toxic or harmful ancestors into our sphere. So, as you begin your work with ancestors, be clear and specific who is welcome.
Why Connect with the Ancestors?
My first experience calling upon the ancestors was while I was trying to get pregnant. After six months of not conceiving, my friend Stella suggested I ask for help from my ancestors. She said, “in some cultures, you have to ask permission, going back seven generations.” I promptly started doing research. I learned their names, and put up their framed photos. I created a small altar in their honor, and asked for their help in conceiving a child. Two months later, I was pregnant with twins.
I didn’t pay much attention to my ancestors until 2017, when I got pregnant again. But, this time the baby wasn’t well, and we chose to end the pregnancy. It was the hardest moment in my life, and I knew I needed ritual and ceremony to navigate the grief and loss. I turned to the teachings of Sarah Kerr. I crafted a ritual where we called upon our ancestors to welcome the spirit of this baby back into the world of the unborn. And, as I called out each name of our Beloved Dead, I knew our unborn child was safe and surrounded by love. This was such a powerful practice, it forever connected me to my ancestors in gratitude.
I turn to the ancestors to feel less alone.
Sometimes the weight of the world is too heavy to carry alone, and we can ask the ancestors to help us carry the burden of our stresses. When asking for help from the ancestor, I like to choose an object that symbolizes the burden I need help with. I will place it on my ancestor altar and ask, “Please help me through this difficult time.”
My work with the ancestors has also given me a sense of belonging. In relationship with them, I am part of something greater. My life is a chapter in an even bigger story that begins before my birth, and will continue past my death.
Healing generational trauma and suffering is another reason I turn to the ancestors. I ask for their help in repairing negative patterns of behavior such as addiction, mother-daughter issues, and money problems.
It is important to turn to our own heritage before adopting practices from other cultures. To avoid the pitfalls of cultural appropriation, we must start with our own lineage. We can call upon our ancient ancestors and investigate the spiritual practices of our own people. This work should be done before (or in tandem) with studies of other cultures.
How Can We Connect With Our Ancestors?
Research Your Roots
Our ancestors are with us. They are in the color of our eyes and the freckles on our skin. Get a DNA test and learn more about your genetic code. We bought one for my mom on Mother’s Day. When the results came back, we took time as a family to reflect on our shared heritage.
I also recommend looking in public records for documents about one’s relatives. My mother’s family was particularly good at keeping and sharing records. Family and heritage are very important on that side of my family. Comparatively, my father’s side is drastically lacking in information. But, thanks to the internet, I discovered my great, great grandmother was an actress. I actually found out about her life on IMDB. Turns out Edith Mergatroyd started her acting career in her 50’s.
If you know the names of your relatives, making a Family Tree is a powerful way of stitching the family constellation together. It creates a visual representation of your connection to the ancestors. It’s also a great activity to do with kids, giving them a sense of belonging and history.
Not everyone has access to information about their relatives, and many people will never know the names of past generations. But, that does not need to be an obstacle in creating a relationship with the ancestors. A DNA test can reveal where your ancestors came from, and you can research your homelands to create a connection. Learn about the geography and mythologies of your people. Discover the history and culture that would have influenced the lives of your ancestors.
Meditation + Dreamwork
The Beloved Dead want to be known and remembered. If you ask them to visit you, they will likely come. I first met Edith Mergatroyd in a meditation guided by Becca Piastrelli. Becca invited us to visualize a tree where we could sit safely and invite the presence of an ancestor. At first my own grandmother came to me, but she told me it was her grandmother who wanted to be seen. I didn’t know the name Edith at that point in time. I only knew my great, great grandmother wanted to be known. In the meditation she was a little annoyed and angry that she had been forgotten. It was only after the meditation that I began to investigate the story of her life.
Shamanic journeying is another method for connecting with ancestors. Before entering a journey, state your intention to visit an ancestor. Ask your guide to help you find them. Did you know that you can shamanic journey on behalf of another person? I once asked a friend of mine to do a journey to connect with my ancestors. She shared with me a vision of all my ancestors gathering and celebrating together. She told me that in her vision I was talking with an older man who was particularly loving and supportive. When I asked her to tell me about him, she described my grandfather, Jiji.
For those who like pen and paper, you can do a Free Write to channel messages from ancestors. Sit in a quiet and undisturbed location. You can invite the presence of a specific ancestor, or simply ask the Beloved Dead to come through. Set a timer for five minutes, and simply write. Do not put the pen down until the timer goes off. Remain neutral as you write. Try not to analyze the words that come through. When you are done, read what you wrote and look for meaningful messages.
Ask for a visit in your dreams. Before falling asleep, call upon your ancestors. If you have a specific question, ask them to answer this in your dreams. I like to call upon Archangel Gabriel who is known for bringing messages and communications from the Spirit realm. I turned to Archangel Gabriel to help me connect with my ancestors, and received a series of dreams where I met up with my Uncle Bill. Uncle Bill had problems with alcohol and self worth. In the dream he shared how unloved and unwelcome he was in our family. It was a moment of healing family wounds and repairing the rift in our lineage.
Food
My favorite way to connect with the ancestors is through food. We make the foods that our grandparents loved, like Grandma Kay Beans and Connie’s mashed potatoes. We make pecan pie because it was Jjij’s favorite. But, it doesn’t have to come from an ancestor to make you feel connected to your heritage. Comfort foods that you love to share, can create that homey feeling that resonates with the vibration of the Beloved Dead.
You can host a “Silent Supper” where you invite the spirit of your ancestors to join you for a meal. During this Feast for the Ancestors, it is customary to wear all black. The foods are often favorites of past relatives, or traditional foods from your ancestral lands. A place is set at the table for the ancestors. And during this meal, everyone is silent. The intention is to invite the presence of relatives who have come before, and our silence allows for their subtle messages to be heard, felt, and experienced.
Ancestor Altar
Create an ancestor altar for Samhain, and keep it up through the month of November. In Ireland, the entire month of November is known as a time of remembrance. During this time, the Celts would attend to the memories of the souls of the departed. Or, you can be like me, and keep an ancestor altar going all year long. I like having it up in our kitchen where we can regularly interact with our Beloved Dead, asking for their love and support.
Here are some ideas of what to bring to your ancestor altar:
Photos: I have been collecting small frames to display the photos of our relatives. I have also made “Ancestor Cards,” where I used photocopies of original portraits and made 5x7 inch collaged images. They are beautiful meditations on the lives of our ancestors. You can also bring pictures of your ancestral lands, or photos of those in your ‘affinity lineage,’ including pets, teachers, and friends.
Fabrics: I love a good altar cloth. It makes the space feel sacred and special. Choose a color that reflects the energy of the season, or incorporate fabrics from your relatives. I like to use my grandmother’s linen tablecloth.
Food: My friend Stella likes to say, “The more we feed our ancestors, the more they feed us.” And, she means this literally. So, I like to put out a small plate and offer nibbles from our meals. I’ll pass the plate around the dinner table, and I love hearing the kids say, “Here you go, guys,” as they place small bites on the plate. Be sure to remove this food in a timely manner to prevent mold or pests.
Water: Water is a powerful conduit of energy and vibration. Putting a small glass of water on your altar gives the ancestors a medium through which they can communicate. You can sip it from time to time, or simply meditate on its energy and take note of how the vibration shifts.
Belongings: I have Jiji’s swiss-army knife and Baba’s pearls on the altar. I also have a cup from Uncle Billy’s childhood. I am lucky to have these objects that once belonged to my relatives. I bring them as offerings to my ancestors, showing them that I am keeping their stuff as well as their memories alive.
Tarot / Oracle Cards: I have a child-friendly oracle deck that I like to keep on our ancestor altar. And, I often invite the kids to ask questions of their ancestors. Building a relationship with the ancestors has proven to be a helpful practice for their mental health. It provides a sense of belonging, and reduces a feeling of loneliness. And, like me, it offers them help during difficult times. I also use Tarot cards to communicate with our ancestors. I am particularly fond of using the Herbcrafter’s Tarot because it brings food and herbal medicine into the conversation.
Gifts from Nature: Flowers are a wonderful addition, especially if you know which kinds of flowers were beloved by your relatives. In Mexico, marigolds are the traditional choice. I also bring feathers and pinecones and rocks to the altar.
In a Nutshell:
Our Beloved Dead can support us and nourish us. “The more we feed our ancestors, the more they feed us.” Building and maintaining a relationship with those who have come before is a healing practice. It is an empowering practice. The Beloved Dead want you to thrive. Working with them can bring joy and purpose.
Research Your Roots
Meditate + Dream
Eat the Foods of Your People
Build an Ancestor Altar
The Samhain Workbook
Free Training
FILL YOUR LIFE WITH MAGIC
How can we experience the sacred more often? What magical practices can bring us into relationship with Spirit? What can we do to weave magic into our everyday lives so that we can feel connected to the sacred in the mundane?
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