8 Ways to Heal from an Argument and Forgive

Forgiveness, Tarot, and “Checking-In”

Forgive others and you forgive yourself

I am recovering from a big fight I had with a friend. And it taught me some things about forgiveness. Receive what resonates and release what does not serve you.

Feel It to Heal It

You have to feel it to heal it. The anger, the shame, emotions towards other people all you're going to do is feel. You are not going to fix it. It will be uncomfortable, and it requires self-awareness and honesty.

How were you at fault? What toxic version of yourself showed up?

And, this is hard on the ego - because it feels like failing. And so you feel that too.

Feel it to Heal it is - sitting with the discomfort.

Strength

In Tarot I turn your attention to the Strength card. They feel all of it - because they know it is there FOR them. If they can be-friend even this part of themselves they will gain power and agency.

Be Vulnerable

The “Feel It to Heal It” is not a lonely, isolated phase. We cannot be vulnerable and honest unless it is shared, spoken, or expressed; The release is the healing place. It has to be shared. You need a connection, a space where you can be seen witnessed, and heard.

Ask For Help

Ask for help because forgiveness is not an isolated solo thing. Ask help from the universe, your Higher Self, from your family members, and your dear friends. Call upon the moon and the seasonal energy.

Forgiveness is the act of coming to terms with the what-is-ness in life. And it's helpful to have people to anchor to. Ask for a hug. Ask for like a really big tight squeeze - it’s very resetting

And, nap!!!

Be Kind

“Stop being so mean to yourself.”

It's like the meanest way of saying - “Be kind to yourself”

Just take a break. Take a breath.

You are not perfect. Perfect was never the goal.

You are lovable. You're capable. Honestly, you are so self aware. It takes so much courage to be this present with yourself Be kind. Up your self-care practices. Or just start one self-care practice. Drink water. Drink water, and breathe.

Make yourself something fancy.

Listen to your heart and mind

You are not healing it. You aren’t trying to change it. You are not altering it.

You are not fixing.

You are listening. Get metacognitive while feeling all the feels. This is where courage comes in. Notice patterns or themes. Does it connect with other personal-growth work you're doing.

This fight with my friend all started because… when he didn't give me what I wanted, I took it to mean - “You are unlikeable.” So, I am listening to myself. And, I can hear the story of my bullying experience, like an undertone to this argument.

You also need to listen to your heart. Notice the way you feel about it. This resistance is clearly the Universe being like, “No! Not down this path.” All this pain and suffering are signs that this is not the right path for you. To get out of there, it helps to follow what feels good. Martha Beck would say “Follow what feels warm.”

OR maybe it's just “follow what does not feel bad.”

Go for a neutral state - take a nap.

“Checking-In”

It’s a collection of micro habits that create a nourishing apology-protocol.

In our house, “Checking-In is a process of saying, “I’m sorry” as well as the work of “making it right.”

I taught my kids really early to be specific when they say I’m sorry - “I am sorry for taking your Lego piece.” That's how checking in started.

We added “It was on purpose/accident, because…” - “I’m sorry I hit you with the stuffed animal, I was really angry about…”

After stating whether or not it's on accident or on purpose, they ask “Are you okay?” The goal is to listen for the other person. They get that moment to express the pain and hurting.

The last part of the process is to ask, “What can I do to make it right?”

“Replay the Argument”

I would teach my elementary students to replay an argument when someone got hurt. I will ask them to, play it out how they wish it had gone. When we replay it, we reprogram the story inside.

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